“Why should I share what’s going on in my life?” “Why would I put my heavy burdens on another?” “What is the point of opening up?” “What is talking to anyone going to change,…get me, …what good will that do?” “I don’t want to be a victim, that doesn’t help anyone.” “People have enough to deal with.”
These are the thoughts of many who keep their personal world close to their chest. I’m not talking about the people who make these types of comments and follow them up with endless complaints, blame and repetitive grievances.
The people who ask these questions from a place of sincerity are often the most compassionate, giving and charitable people I know yet they resist being aided in life by anyone else. They are alone and they know how to suffer alone. That’s how they’ve dealt with pain for most of their lives. On an island. They are self-sufficient and independent to a fault.
They have overdeveloped their giving capacities and underdeveloped the sacred art of receiving.
I wonder. How is it that the same individual who demonstrates great empathy for another and can so readily discount their own experience that is as equally challenging?
Often it’s because they are busy comparing their unfortunate situations to another’s. They use the very real tragedy of others to overpower or distract them from feeling their own feelings and experiences, which are equally as real.
MOST often these people resist acknowledging their own heartache because then they would actually have to feel through it, deal with it and find the courage to heal from it. It’s way more convenient to minimize it to the point that there’s no reason to speak to it.
Healing is a courageous act. Anyone can stuff it down. It takes a warrior to Feel. To Deal. To Heal.
Maybe in the past they have tried to get a parent, an uncle, a friend, a teacher to listen only to be told they were being too sensitive, over-reacting, being selfish, didn’t know what they were talking about, needed to think more about other people, needed to let it go, or be grateful it wasn’t worse.
If they were told things such as these, I understand why they would not chance becoming vulnerable once again. This kind of rejection stings to the core. The body receives is literally the same way it receives a blow to the gut. It hurts. Hard.
Yet, staying quiet perpetuates the sting.
We do not become vulnerable to get something.
We do not share our stories to make a difference, although they often do so.
We do not open up to find a solution, even though that is often the result.
We do not let someone in so that they become our friend even though that might happen.
We open up, when we are in pain, when it’s easier to close down because we decide that being honest matters.
We come to a point in life where we recognize that keeping it in hurts us more than it helps and we desire to be free from our own pain and suffering.
We find ourselves ready to Deal. Ready to Feel. Ready to Heal.
If you are finding yourself in this space then mark your calendars for the Women’s Empowerment Workshop & Fundraiser on November 4th from 1-230pm at the studio.
We will begin to explore how to prioritize ourselves, know and ask for what we want and begin to set boundaries that keep the good in and the icky out. You will not be required to share in this workshop but you will begin to learn how you can!
Sat Nam friends!