Creating Heart Wide Open was a dream that had it’s way with me.
As I moved into the creation of it I’d recognize the next best right decision being laid out for me.
I’d move into that step, usually terrified.
And then I’d find that I’d need to pause. Recoup. Recover. Rest.
I’d wait for the next step to be revealed to me.
I’d take one step at a time, again and again. Repeat.
It’s taken me three years to get the Heart Wide Open Immersion Program to a place of actualization. It’s amazing. It is perfect and it is in constant redesign and creation. It’s not done. It may never be done.
Just like the birth of any dream, there is no manual. No one or thing is there to make me feel like I’m doing it right. No validation. No report card.
No rulebook to keep me in the lines.
No checklist to quench my need to be productive.
No praise to encourage me to keep going.
I listen. I step. Repeat.
When you listen to you’re your heart there is rarely any of those things. It’s easy to wonder, second-guess yourself and be unsure.
None of that ends;
But there IS a steady call to move foreword, to take the next step and to not give up. Many times along the way I’ve self corrected on my own or been forced to switch directions.
This gets easier each time.
So much so that it’s starting to feel like it’s part of the process. Like, the figuring it out is the good and juicy part. Like the space between NO LONGER and NOT YET is exactly where the heart of the learning lies.
Embracing the “figuring it out” feels good in my bones.
I have spent a great deal of time with me.
Being quiet with me.
I’ve communed with my soul. I’ve listened and I am learning to embrace the feminine energy of silence, rest, peace and contemplation to produce the next step.
Then I obey, move into my masculine energy and execute as well as I can.
It’s a dance.
I pause in the feminine to listen and receive the call, then shift to my masculine to step, leap and do the thing.
Back and forth I go.
Dancing with my energies.
The feminine provides me the space and time to be sure. I create here. Listen. Receive a very customized instruction. I am given the next step, big or small.
And then naturally my masculine takes it into action. Movement. Completion.
Sometimes I can see a few next steps in a row but most often I only see one.
So, that’s the one I take.
I’m unsure where it is leading me, how long it will take or if it’s going to feel good.
But I know it’s the next, best, right step for me.
And once I’ve completed that step, the next step will reveal itself.
This process never fails. In it’s constant faith I build trust. This is the beginning of recognizing my deepest intuition. I hear the universe’s willingness to cooperate with my intentions. It’s pure magnificent manifestation.
It’s alive and real.
There is such an order to it. Predictability even. Every time I stop to listen, I receive an answer. Sometimes I have to wait longer than I had expected. In these times I’m grateful for my yoga, meditation and abilities to nurture myself.
I listen. I’m patient (demands faith). I pray.
As I trust myself more and more I notice that I care less about the expectations I held previously or of the ones others place on me still.
I look inside. I hear the old beliefs telling me I might fail, that others won’t like it, that it’s not the right time, etc.. The more I listen to these defeating voices the more I am able to see thru them. They are not correct. They are not even bad. They are invitations to wrestle with the fears of approval and recognition and needs that my ego still holds so tightly to.
Again, the learning is in the struggle. It is smack dab in the middle. I walk into it.
Into the figuring it out I settle. I nestle into all I am yet to see. I rely on other senses. I trust time.
Into the unknown I breathe. This breath. And this breath. And this breath.
With prayer I breathe. I listen. I step. I pause. I pray. I repeat. Again, and again and again.